I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
