Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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