Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its not stalking. its research.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Someone came in the potted fern
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
