You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
