Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize