yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
