I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
