My room smells like vodka and shame
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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