I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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