Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize