i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
