Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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