And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
