She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
