id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
