I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We have so much sex to catch up on
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
