two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
