Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize