All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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