I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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