in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
