Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
