yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
