woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
