I heard we made out
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
tell me about the eggs
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