What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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