Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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