i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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