my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
