put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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