i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
