We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
