just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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