Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
