please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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