Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
