I'm eating all of the evidence.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
