I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
