If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
