Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
