You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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