Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
