This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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