I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
