i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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