she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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