Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize