I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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