Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
