just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
