Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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