did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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