We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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