My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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