I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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