I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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