Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
