I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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