I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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