bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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