our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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