When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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