eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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