dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
