I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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