Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
