My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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