I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
whose parrot is this?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
