More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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