hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
