i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
