So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
