i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
