My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
