tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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