It's like God shit irony all over that family
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
